Is Happiness a Choice?

Now, this is a deep, super difficult question to give a black or white response to. I’m sure you have probably heard both sides of the story but this is where I put my twopence into the debate (is that even the right phrase?).

Yes, I believe happiness is a choice. But here’s the catch, I believe happiness is a choice for me. I know that if I’m unhappy for whatever reason it’s most likely unnecessary and I can take steps to get back on the path of happiness.

In my individual brain, I can focus my energy into either positive or negative thoughts. Every moment of the day, I choose whether I think about the things I am grateful for or the things I am lacking. No one else is in my head controlling those thoughts. Of course, environmental factors come into play. However, I know I can turn around most situations into a positive.

At this point I just want to put in a little disclaimer that when I talk about this topic, it comes from a position of privilege where my very basic needs are always fulfilled and there is rarely a severe reason such as my starvation or bereavement for me to be unhappy about.

And this is why I believe happiness is a choice for me. It’s because I have experienced the control I have over my happiness and know the power of that my thoughts have over my feelings.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this complicated but very interesting topic! Also, any book suggestions that tackle this issue would be very much appreciated.

Until next time lovely people,

slothyqueen

Is Love a Feeling or a Choice? | GUEST WRITER

This question first sprung to mind whilst listening to a track from Justin Bieber’s most recent album, titled ‘The Feeling’. The chorus starts off with the words, “Am I in love with you, or am I in love with the feeling?” – which subsequently got me thinking, what is love, if not a feeling?

In my eyes, love for another person, is wanting the best for them at any and all costs. Love is, to me, selfless. It shouldn’t be about how the other person makes you feel, it should be about how you can make the other person happy. Being selfless, I believe, is not something that comes to humans naturally. During the days of the caveman, there was selfish competition to stay alive and now during the days of Instagram, there is selfish competition for self validation. Humans are selfish. So how can we say, that love, something so pure and selfless, is something that comes naturally to us, when we are so selfish in other everyday matters? Hence I believe that love is a choice.

Think of it like an athlete training for a sport. There is an initial spark, an initial attraction to the sport, so the athlete decides to pick it up. He begins to train for it, he works hard for it. During the training period, he may run into injuries, he may find that the training is taking up too much of his time, he may decide that the sport is not for him and he may quit. However, another athlete, might run into the same problems, but choose to solve them, communicate and keep persevering. And this athlete may find it difficult in the short run, but in the long run, he will get stronger and he will become better.

This is what I believe a relationship is like. Relationships ask us to do difficult things, forgive people, console people in times of grief, make sacrifices for people. And sometimes it can be tiring, and people do quit, there are divorces and breakups. But some people choose to try solve the problems they might face, together. This is real love. It will be hard work and it will be difficult at times, but, just like an athlete, the rewards you reap after your hard work will be satisfying.

You can’t help who you’re physically attracted to, but ls-qnrGYyou can help who you are in love with, and more importantly, who you stay in love with. This is why I believe love is a choice.

Ria

 

I just wanted to say thank you to Ria for guest writing this very interesting post. Comments are very welcome!

Until next time lovely people,

slothyqueen

Giving Unconditionally.

The most inspirational people I know are those who give their time, energy and expertise to help others without expecting anything in return. Not acknowledgement, not praise and not money. These people go the extra mile to help others out, and so importantly, their intentions are pure.

Especially in this capitalist society, it is so easy to get caught up in self-centred thoughts and doing what’s best for you at every point. Most people rarely go out of their way to help someone out. People may pass you the salt across the table but most aren’t willing to go to the kitchen to get it. (Yes, that was a weird analogy, it made sense in my head!)

Yesterday, in our leavers assembly, one of our teachers said, always share the knowledge you have. All too often we get bogged down in this competitive culture of trying to be better than everyone else, get higher grades etc, so we keep the knowledge we have to ourselves in order to make ourselves seem better than the rest. But in reality, that doesn’t make you a better person and doesn’t make you happy or satisfied with your life, so was their really any point in doing it?

I have a lot more to say on this topic so there may be a part two, but I’d love to know your opinions on this so drop me a comment.

Until next time lovely people,

slothyqueen

#Goals

This whole idea of something being ‘goals’ has really blown up and I see it commented (mostly serious I believe?) everywhere beneath pictures of couples, decor, friends and literally anything else.

Now, contrary to my tone above, I’m not against someone expressing their desire to have something by commenting ‘#goals’ but it really irks me when, for example, it’s a relationship. From a picture how can you tell whether these two random people on the internet have a deep connection? How can you tell the relationship isn’t abusive? How can you tell they are happy? The short answer to all of those questions is; you can’t. You never really know what happens once the camera is off so can you judge whether that is really the goal you are aiming for?

Another prominent type of post where ‘#goals’ comments are numerous are ones showing off peoples’ body. Body image is a huge issue as it is, yet saying that this one particular body shape is the goal, the perfect way to be? Isn’t that just putting unnecessary pressure to look a certain way?

I think the main thing that I don’t like about this whole #goals craze is the fact that I often only see it on the same types of posts; the ones with certain expensive products, pretty minimalistic rooms, conventionally beautiful people etc. And this to me, says there is a particular way to live that is valued more than any another. Maybe I’m just looking into this way too deep and everyone is just using it as a sarcastic phrase just as I do.

I would love to know your opinions on ‘#goals’ and whether or not you use it so let me know in the comments!

Until next time lovely people,

slothyqueen

P.S – Hug yourself every time I wrote goals in this post (you’ll have a lot of endorphins afterwards!)

Being Average-looking

In my opinion, the main advantage of being average looking as opposed to good looking is knowing, that when someone likes you, just as a friend or more, the love is real and not related to your looks in any way. The way you look is superficial and in my opinion, should have no contribution to your compatibility with another person so by not having a ‘wow’ factor you are taking the possibility of them not loving the ‘real’ you away.

This concept is a bit weird and not everyone I have talked to about it has agreed with me but I just thought I would put it out there.I don’t know if I made this up to make myself feel better or if it actually has some truth in it. Tell me what you think of this idea in the comments.

Until tomorrow lovely people,

slothyqueen

Writing a Diary

It’s amazing how much of the past you forget and only uncover when sifting through old diary entries or photos. I often wonder how many wonderful moments I have forgotten about and will never remember because I haven’t documented them. But then again, I have experienced them first hand so does it matter that I won’t experience it again?

The reason I’ve been trying to write more regularly in my diary recently is because I love that feeling of reading it back, especially cherishing the small details that my brain just cannot retain. Even reading it after just a few weeks, the nostalgia that washes over you is so worth the tiny bit of time and effort of writing it down at the time.

On another note, I never write about the bad things. I just don’t see the point, however, I can see how for some people this would be a release and just the act of writing would make them feel better. Maybe I will try it next time I’m feeling down. Tell me what you guys think about writing a diary.

Until tomorrow lovely people,

slothyqueen

Don’t take yourself too seriously!

When you fall down the stairs face first at the train station (which has obviously never happened to me…) instead of feeling embarrassed and worrying about what everyone around you thinks, laugh it off. Not only can you have a good giggle about it with your friends, but you’ve also given the people around you something to smile about. Increasing the overall happiness in the world by making a fool of yourself every now and then can’t be a bad thing right?

Laughing at myself has become such a regular occurrence and I have so many stories about falling off chairs, down staircases and kicking pigeons (it was an accident, I swear!) that it just comes as second nature. Sometimes, the people around me are more embarrassed about my clumsiness than I am, but I don’t blame them, I did once get my bright orange backpack stuck in the ticket barriers and have to be rescued by a big burly man.

You could also consider this in terms of just being silly. Of course there’s a time and a place to be silly, and in the middle of the most important meeting of your life is probably not the right time to be making monkey faces, but being silly and even a little childish can be so frickin’ hilarious so why miss an opportunity for laughter eh?

Until next time lovely people,

slothyqueen

Leaving A Positive Digital Footprint

I don’t know about you guys but most assemblies all through school are a blur to me and most of the time an utter waste of time. But, there was one a couple of years ago which has really stuck with me. It was about leaving a positive digital footprint.

Before that moment I had never deeply thought about how every word and picture I posted on the internet would be there forever and people may even judge my personality on it. This led me to make a change in what I posted and contributed to the massive world of the internet. I wrote more positively, was less judgemental and generally nicer. This also happened to coincide with my change in thinking to a more positive mindset which I will hopefully talk about in the future. It feels so good being able to look back at old posts and not regret them (although cringing is still inevitable!).

So, I thank that teacher who gave the only memorable assembly in 5 years and urge you to think about what you post on the internet and if it’s something you will be proud of in the years to come.

Until next time lovely people,

slothyqueen

Enjoying your job

I overheard someone on the train saying how much they loved their job today and it just got me thinking as to how little I hear that phrase. Normally when I ask people how their work is going the answer is, ‘yeah alright’ or ‘work’s work’ or something along these lines. It was so refreshing to hear someone actually enjoying their job. I do understand that it’s not always possible to choose your occupation and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just do something you don’t enjoy to survive. But I’m not talking about these people. I’m talking about the privileged people, like myself, who are lucky enough to choose a career path. And more and more I’m realising that so many people choose their careers based on money. Yes this is important, but is it worth sacrificing your happiness? If you have any comments or opinions about this subject please comment! This isn’t a very light post for the run up to Christmas but I did warn you it was going to be a bit random!

Happy second of December,

slothyqueen 🙂